Qusay

I like to say that I'm not a man of many words, but lately I just can't stop talking about what happened. I can't stop feeling bad, I can't stop letting my family know that i'm still alive so I just constantly keep updating stuff everywhere...And it's all about them. I can't be happy right now, and I don't even think I wanna be happy because it just wouldn't feel right..

Qusay Moaead Ali "Rock" if you're reading this...There are so many things that I want you to know. I want you to know that you impacted my life in a very unique way... I came to this country to serve mine and look what happened, I made a great friend along the way and now you're gone. I can't believe that I was just with you a few days ago, and before we rolled out I didn't even get the chance to talk to you...I want you know that I am doing everything possible so people can remember you for who you were...We owe it to you, I owe it to you. I can't come to my senses, I can't stop crying, I can't leave this world of pain and sorrow until I get to say goodbye to you the proper way. I have your boots in my room, and I don't know what to do with them. My laptop has your pictures, your curriculum vitae, your favorite American song "One Sweet Day" by Boys 2 Men which I find extremely ironic right now, and i'm trying to get this done for you but it hurts so damn much to listen to this song... You were my best friend out here and I told you that you were the one I went to talk to whenever something was wrong...Remember that day at the chow hall in Grizzly when I demonstrated to you my life is like a plate full of shit. You laughed and you told me it was funny. God I miss your laugh so much right now. I miss the way you said my name "Ron-dee" and you didn't say Randy like us Americans do because you said it sounded gay. I miss seeing you outside talking on your phone, and I always feel that you are still standing there trying to get in touch with your family, or maybe even me. I can't eat at the chow hall in Warhorse, I can't go in there without you...I can't get over the fact that you're not on the other side of the table. I miss hanging out in your room watching these arabic channels that I had no idea what they were saying and you would translate. I was in your room with Alex two days ago and the words that I taught you were still on the board, the ones that you wrote with a blue marker. So many memories with you brother... I miss you so much baby boy, and I feel like God set me up and I want you to ask him why. I need to know why we got so close, I need to know why you left me. I want to know why because I can't seem to get the big picture right now. I can't. This isn't the way I pictured saying goodbye to you...I knew I would say goodbye to you eventually, but not like this. Not like this Rock. You taught me so much arabic, I miss you trying to correct it. Ani Ahobak Rock. I got in contact with your old unit to see if they can send me pictures of you because I know you liked those guys a lot. You know, I haven't really gone over my head with "what if's"...My 1SG told me not to do that, but now he has me thinking...What if it would have hit my truck. I was only a truck away. I would've been dead and I wouldn't feel this pain right now. The last image i have of you is being carried away on a stretcher and I all I saw were your big jeans with sport patches on them. I don't know Rock...Be my Rock right now because I'm driving myself crazy. I hate being like this, I hate feeling this. I hate myself so much right now. But you will get your memorial my friend, if it's the last thing that I do. I will stand up there proud and talk about you and I'll make sure people will get to know you the way that I did. I love and miss you Rock, you're exhausting me right now but it's okay. I would do anything for you. I love you my friend. Stay safe in heaven and look out for me like you always did. I need you now more than ever.